Do you ever wonder if what you put out will be remembered? Do you ever wonder if you make enough of your time spent… to actually make something out of it… that is… well… worth remembering? Do you give enough and love enough to truly earn a spot in peoples memories and hearts?
When a chapter in my life closes and another one opens. It just feels as though sometimes I am easily forgotten. It is so hard to wrap my head around that since I feel as though I give and give and give. Sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Do I give more, do I love better, do I push outward harder? Is there really a good response to any of this?
If you know me, you know I get quiet when I get upset or sad about anything. Total opposite of my never ended blabbermouth. When I get quiet I think… when I think… I write. (Not here, even though I will honestly try to do better with this outlet) With that being said, lately I have been let down. It’s nothing I care to talk about in a blog or at all for that matter. Just got me thinking…
Did I do enough? Did I know all the negatives upfront and ignore the warning signs all the same? Will I be remembered now that this chapter is closing? Will I learn anything from the ones involved and grow because of it? Did I affect anyone in this situation at all? Because it seems like for the first time in my life I waisted a large amount of my time. I have no regrets on anything I do or have done… until now. That in itself makes me sad/upset.
I let a couple people get the best of me and change me for a bit. I put some goals off and stopped making my life about me. It sometimes takes a good kick in the butt to see what I am doing to myself… and damn did I get that kick. I just was not expecting that kick to be in the gut.
The good thing to come out of my emotional sad/upset state is that I am the queen of the “bounce-back”. I hit the bottom for a minute and I fight like hell to spring back up on top. Being angry motivates and allows me to conquer things I have been sitting on. (why did I allow myself to sit on anything?) I am a strong positive wonderful woman! I just forget that every now and again because I let people in that are really good at making me think otherwise. I ate it up this time… and I wont again.
Im back. The sad and quiet me had its time. Now, I’m back. I’m not easily forgotten… I am just easily to fall to trust, I am easily taken advantage of because I care (sometimes…most of the time… way to much) I am easily hurt because I see the good in people. I am easily ready and willing to give people everything when they don’t deserve anything.
I am easily a good person and deserve better!!