Lusciouslacey’s Weblog

An open mind has endless possibilities

Jacked Up List

I have found myself using the expression…”That’s jacked up” more often then not lately. With that being said, here is my Jacked UP LIST!
– Pregnancy tests at the check out. No candy, no gum, no batteries, tissues, mini flashlights or any other useless junk… that I always buy last minute from standing there waiting to purchase! Instead a whole check out line full of nothing but pregnancy tests. Really???? Is that one of those impulse buys… oh I think I need a pregnancy test…. might as well have one or two on hand… What could possibly be the motive behind that display??-A hamburger shop named Pickle’s!! Why not Hamburger, Burger Bun, Burger World? Why not another pick of the garden? Call the place Lettuce… or tomato… mayo maybe?? I think the only reason this upsets me is because I hate pickles and I mean hate them!!! (Unless they are fried… come on I am from the south) A place called Onion’s probably wouldn’t have held my attention this long.

-I was at lunch and found a ladybug, a dead ladybug in my salad. Had I moved some more lettuce around I am sure I would have found two or three more. The manager comes over I tell her and she said “It must be your lucky day, you win” !!!! Win what? A dead ladybug? Are you kidding me? She leaves the salad and the dead ladybug in my face after I said I was no longer hungry and was good with out a replacement dish. (rule number one of service: If someone is not pleased with their meal or anything on the plate REMOVE THE PLATE!! The more they look at it the more it upsets them… its a fact!) Oh yeah good times!!!

-I had someone tell me I looked fat this week! It was yesterday! I’m a size 4… fat? Yeah, jacked up!

-Drug Tests for jobs. There really does need to be another concept thought up. This is way more info then you cared to know. But guys have it pretty easy! Yeah peeing in a cup not so hard, when you have peed in beer bottles and god only knows what else while standing, lying or sitting. You pretty much point and go. Women, not so easy!! Sitting, holding a cup, making sure you pee enough to pass the line. Crazy and a little challenging to say the least!! I had to ask the Nurse Man… “is there not an easier way?” You would think someone would have invented a better way! A contraption of sorts so you don’t run the risk of peeing on your hand or leg… let alone getting any on your clothes. I sat/stood there about to pee in a cup for my very first drug test and thought… beyond jacked up!!

-Jacked up Bumper Stickers-

-So your kids no honor student. Society needs laborers!

– Squirrels-natures speed bumps

-Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

hahahahahaha, I laugh… but what the hell!! That’s jacked up!!

-Shrimp Chips and Banana Puffs!! I go to visit two of my favorite co-workers, super fun and sweethearts to the max!! I go to their office to visit (they work in the web room. big open space with lots of pretty amazing mac computers, huge screens everywhere and desks set up so they can work at their own stations but have the team support thing as well. Pretty cool.) and when I visit I come with gifts. This certain time I had a handful of tootsie roll pops!!! Mmmmm mmmm so good!! I hand over the goods and they offer me some snacks. Yay snacks!! You guessed it Shrimp Chips and Banana puffs!! Now, they described the snacks to me… and the snacks tasted pretty spot on to the descriptions. But I just wasn’t prepared for it. The Shrimp chips were down right NASTY!!! I mean NASTY NASTY!!!! A little cheese cracker looking thing… bite down and oh my god that is not good and the aftertaste is even worse and it doesn’t go away. Everything you try to stay away from when eating seafood… that old fishy taste/smell. Yeah, that is exactly what it tasted like, just in cracker form. The Banana Puffs, were shaped and textured the exact same as a cheese puff. These are yellow in color and taste totally sweet and banana-ie!! Very puffed sweet cereal taste almost… but then you get it in the face with the processed banana flavor. Oh, and I might tell you I hate anything banana flavored. LOVE BANANAS hate the fakey flavor. Soooooo if you like banana and super super sweet. Go ahead and try them… Shrimp Chips… stay away from those things all together!! These snacks are jacked!!!

-One of my best friends next door neighbors got bit by a snake. This poor girl was trying to save the snake from being killed (by another neighbor) figured it was a harmless and went in to pick it up after trying with a broom, cooler, shovel to get it off this little old ladies porch. This girl wanted to move the snake put it in the woods and be good to go!!! She went to pick up the snake and got bit in the hand… and within 10 mins the snake is dead (death by shovel) and the poor girls hand had swollen 5 times what it was!!! Yeah, turns out after a visit to the ER, it was a copperhead. Her hand and arm were totally swollen to the point where the lower part of her arm looked like her upper thigh. The pictures looked like a blown up latex glove. It was insane! I haven’t been around many snake bites… but if the swelling moved past two joints in her arm they were going to have to give her anti-venom. They try to stay clear from this stuff unless they have to use it… because they give it to you and you are deathly ill for the next 72 hours with a trip to the ICU with your name on it. Needless to say from the quick swelling… she got the anti-venom and is still there. Now they are talking surgery!!!

The jacked up part… well yeah, the fact that she went to pick the snake up not knowing what it was first. But the really really really jacked up part… my two girlfriends that were in the ER room with this poor girl were sitting around thinking up names for her hand. They were looking for the “cankle” term for a fat hand and arm joined together!! One in the same!!!! Poor girl bit by a snake and the butt of all jokes in the ER!! Was pretty funny though.





July 24, 2008 - Posted by | Just me, Uncategorized

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