Idiot Move of the Day
I’m not a big facebook user… I don’t get the features, I don’t know how to find people and I learned how to post pictures on the thing two days ago. I’ve had the account for a while I just haven’t really put enough time into getting things figured out. I’ve always been more of a myspace girl personally because that’s the outlet we most often use in radio/tv/media projects in general. Recently I have figured out that most of the people I want to be in touch with use facebook more then myspace … sooo… I’m making an effort to figure the damn thing out. Trying to get over my back and forth battle with the oh so confusing facebook world I have been talking to friends, commenting, getting in touch, keeping in touch and doing the best I can at all of it. A dear dear friend of mine and I talk maybe a few times a month… a phone call, a facebook message an email here and there… whatever the means we make it happen. Not as often as I would have liked… but none the less we did it. I met this friend in middle school. We are 27 clearly, we have been friends for what seems like forever. Today I went to his facebook page… we hadn’t talked in a little over a month or so. Last time we talked he told me he was moving back to Georgia and I was going to get to see him and we made plans on plans on plans to see each other. Last comment a few weeks ago I was counting down till I got to see him again! Well, it’s about that time… so this morning I had 2 mins to leave a facebook comment and jump into my meeting. I signed on… jumped to his page… left a post on his page that read something like this “I miss your face!! Are you here yet?… its about that time.. hope you are well!!” Typical Lacey message. I post and run into my meeting.
Now… I have facebook on my blackberry. Blackberry facebook is a less detailed version. You see when you get a message, a post or a friend request. Halfway thru my meeting my buddy sent me a message, my blackberry buzzes again, same buddy posted a comment… buzzes again.. another message. I click the link to read the message (in the middle of the my meeting) he writes to tell me that my friend in the first paragraph of this horribly sad post had passed away a little over a month ago. A new reason to hate facebook… I know its not facebooks fault but damn!!!! So I leave a I miss you and can’t wait to see you and call me when you get here message to a friend that is gone. Middle of the meeting tears down my face and an over the top pain because I didn’t know. It took facebook for me to find out. Ugh. I went back to his page and saw comment after comment of rest in peace, you are deeply missed… and thinking of you posts. I looked thru the pictures and just got lost for a while.
I’m sick and sad over this. I hate that I didn’t know. I hate that I didn’t go to the funeral, I’m sick with the idea that plans made wont happen and that I wont see him again when I was looking so forward to it. Just sick over it.
It’s not the best subject and maybe it is terrible of me to even write about all of this but my healing is writing… I had to get it out. The idiot move of the day… caring so much for someone and not knowing something this huge!!!! Not traveling out to see him, calling more, loving better!! We do what we can and life gets in the way… why do we let it?
I want people to know what they mean to me. I want people to know how they affect me, how they make me feel, what they have taught me and how they have pushed me to grow! I think I do a better job letting people know who they are to me and how much they make up my world… but I’m going to do better… much much better.